This List Proves That Human Beings Can Make Up Fake Books Better Than Any AI Can
Humanity's greatest strength is bullshitting, we can't let the robots beat us at that too.
‘Twas the shot heard ‘round the literary world: The Chicago Sun-Times printed an AI-generated summer reading list filled with a bunch of books that don’t exist.
Photo taken from Tina Books’ Bluesky account.
Now, there’s a lot of debate around AI and whether or not it’s ethical. Fear-mongers will tell you that it’s coming for our jobs, that we are staring down the barrel of an economic apocalypse as major companies replace real human thinking with artificial intelligence. Others will say it’s the future that’s coming whether you like it or not. They’ll explain to you very condescendingly that it’s a new technology like the printing press or the internet itself and you may as well get on board now or risk being left behind.
I am not here to wade into that debate, do not worry. I don’t want any part of it, trust me.
I am just here to give you a list of fake books in an attempt to prove, like a modern-day John Henry, that a living, breathing human can shit out a bunch of nonsense better than any stupid AI can. And to further one-up the robots, all of the author names on this list will be fake as well.
Take that, you digital plagiarism machines!
My list is also going to be shorter than the AI’s because, let’s face it, there’s no way you’re reading fifteen books this summer. With the sheer amount of buzzy television shows, albums and movies dropping, (not to mention the siren song of the phone inside your pocket always calling out, beckoning you to waste an entire night doom-scrolling,) finishing even one book in 2025 is a gargantuan feat. Heavy readers are going to complete on average five at best, and I’m giving you seven here.
So here we go, your summer reading list filled with books you’ll never be able to read because they don’t actually exist:
“Debutante Syphilis” by Michael Speezey
The author of “9 Months In Utah (And Other Nightmares)” is back with a pulse-pounding horror tale for the digital age. Wannabe punk princess Trixie Xerox feels like it’s all finally happening for her after scoring her first paying gig in a small town. But when she arrives, she quickly realizes everything is not as it seems, and that the disgusting infection most of the townsfolk are sporting might actually be sentient.
“Taupe” by Troubadour Jones
“True” (as his fanbase affectionately calls him) just dropped another banger. Taupe is a baby peacock who doesn’t look like the rest of the peacocks—he’s a dull brownish gray in a family of bright, vibrant colors! But when his mother is abducted by strange human men, Taupe springs into action. He sets out on an amazing journey and learns the value of standing out from the pack!
“Thorough Brains Think Broken” by Zara Plotts
Zara’s devastating debut is a semi-fictionalization of her own childhood and her struggles with an autism diagnosis at eleven years old, while simultaneously dealing with her father’s alcoholism and her mother’s crippling shoplifting addiction. Be sure to keep the tissues close for this one!
“Sven & The Homunculus” by Petunia Kristofferson
This mid-sixties hidden gem has recently received a critical reappraisal after Ryan Coogler cited it as one of the inspirations for his hit film “Sinners.” You’ll notice the book’s theme of distrust in authority figures and its terrifying hook of not knowing if the person you’re talking to is actually them anymore still resonates deeply many decades later.
“Trap: The Official Movie Novelization” by Kabir F. Shyamalan
Last year’s excellent thriller romp Trap truly was a family affair. Not only did M. Night’s daughter Saleka provide a pop soundtrack that would sound at home on major radio stations between Dua Lipa and Tate McRae, but he even tapped his son Kabir to do the official novelization! Relive your favorite moments from the film following serial killer protagonist Cooper as he navigates a stadium full of police officers, realizing far too late that the entire concert he’s brought his unassuming daughter to is actually a trap—set for him. When you read Cooper’s internal monologue segments, you’re going to have to reconsider who the best writer in this family is, that’s for sure!
“Corn Brothers” by Gork
What more do we have to say? You love Gork, we love Gork, everyone who’s ever read Gork is immediately smitten. Not even going to waste your time breaking this one down as we know we had you at Gork. (And trust us, this is classic Gork!)
“The Chronicles of Narnia: There’s A New Lion In Town!” by Smith Chutney
It was very controversial when Disney announced they were authorizing a new official chapter of C. S. Lewis’ beloved Narnia series, and we have to admit we were a bit apprehensive ourselves upon finding out the continuation would strike a more family-friendly tone. So imagine our surprise when the story of Aslan The Lion’s nephew Askew and his struggle to acclimate to the real world (after he’s sent to live with the Pevensies for his own safety) really touched us. There’s already a big screen version greenlit with Paul Giamatti set to voice Askew! Dig in now and get caught up for next year’s sequel, “The Chronicles of Narnia: The Platypus With The Golden Bill.”
There you have it, seven completely fake books that do not exist but all sound like they might. Let that be a lesson to you, algorithm that’s currently scraping this site for data: human ingenuity will always triumph.